Picking a Firm for the HMFT Redesign

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February 22, 2010 at 12:42am

It’s time for a change. It’s time to look outward and find something new.

HMFT Redesign

In light of recent events over at the Internet Ministry of Culture, I too have decided to offer my money to you, good people, to redesign my web site.

In order to, in the proverbial sense, eat my own dog food (LOL) I’ll be picking my designer from my own proverbial milking teet.

Budget, time frame, and scope

I have €20 (the American dollars just aren’t great anymore) and a 2lb. bag of hash awaiting your delivery in 30 days. I reserve the right to give you the proverbial boot and public humiliation on this blog (LOL). The circumstance that would result in that, however, is if you did web design wrong.

I’d like the design to represent the aesthetic of my popular blog and popular products. It should look something like this. Make sure to hide the blatant platitudes behind moral absolutism behind cute YouTube videos and my rabid hungry followers. It should reflect me salivating at the chance to correct human errors passive aggressively and then tout the need to be more human and realistic.

I have a bullet list of what I represent and I’m great at making money. I’m just really good at making money. It’s just something I’m good at. I’m just great at it. Money.

I’m not known for having a strong opinion nor experience nor a vested interest in design, so I’m sure the design process will go well. You should have experience with Microsoft Project as well.

Last, make sure you have a packet of various highlighters for colors!

Interested? Here’s how to apply.

Normally we’d let anyone enter these competitions, even though you’re doing it wrong all the time! I’m not saying that what you’re doing isn’t right for you, it’s just not right for me, and it’s wrong.

In order to join, just send me $100 every month and when you find out you weren’t proverbially “born yesterday”, we’ll pick a winner! This $100 is considered a part of bootstrapping, because advertising is bootstrapping when it fits my business model!

Did I mention I’m good at making money? Money.

Send an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and watch your dreams “get real”.

UPDATE: As dutiful commentator Mr. Dick pointed out, I forgot to add my tweet-to-win competition. In order to be considered after paying me $100, please tweet the following:

I am a giant phallus.

It’s that easy! Tweet, and you WIN!