Precrimr Announces Series A Funding

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May 21, 2010 at 2:41pm

The progressive crime-fighting social network Precrimr announced today that it has secured a $1,000,000 investment from Venture Backed Venture Adventures, LLC, taking them from idea to company.

“When we started Precrimr, like most startups, we had no clue what we were doing. Then we thought, let’s charge money for something. We found out that wasn’t possible! So then we thought to just borrow someone else’s money. Then Google released their prediction API and we knew what to do. We all knew this before though.”

Using Google’s Prediction API, Precrimr let’s you the user utilize your social capitol to implicate and arrest future users. Precrimr is hoping to expand the service to not just small crimes but unpaid friendly bets, small grievances, passive aggressive meeting quips and unclear design comp notes such as “needs greener”.

“We were really excited about what they were doing. They even got our CTO arrested yesterday. We didn’t suspect a thing but when the chief of police came in and asked ‘Where’s the goat?” we knew this service was working,” says Venture Backed Venture Adventure’s representative John Redda.

Precrimr lets user enter data about people they know, what’s going on in the world, then, using Google’s Prediction API, predicts if they’re going to assassinate the United States President in an ambitious campaign. Slowly but surely, the data begins to show what people are capable of using Google’s human analytics algorithms. The plan is to quickly grow the backend into a machine that will judge the human race based on its morality and hopefully turn into Skynet or that thing from the Matrix that was pretty much Skynet. All this thanks to Google’s Prediction API which, using machine data, can also tell you which blue is most appeasing because someone high up at Google validated their existence by the quantities of A+‘s on their report card.

“With our new funding, which Precrimr determined would lead to enormous wealth and gain for all participants, we are going to grow quickly and hire rapidly. Unfortunately we lost 2 employees, as it turns out they were going to significantly injure each other in a Nerf duel. We were looking to get a new creative director as well, but it turns out he would get really pissy in a meeting with a CTO and they wouldn’t be able to communicate. This would lead to a 6 month delay. So we’ll pre-hire their replacements as well,” says Thomas.

PossiCrime™

Along with the funding, Precrimr announces their new API tools PossiCrime™. The new investment allows them to expand their new tools such as DickheadAlert™ or RailsDeveloper™.

PossiCrime™ features include

• A REST API
• The end of civil unrest and disobedience that have incarcerated many: the innocent and the murderers
• Sign up with Facebook Connect
• A mighty end to the culture of violence that has destroyed our inner city
• Find out what your friends are doing
• A tide of change in the sea of dredge known as the legal system
• Basecamp Integration

As a sophomore in a garage, somewhere in California probably the north part. Kenny Meyers dreamed of a world where people would stop committing crime and build more social capital. “We need more social capital,” he would always say. He built Precrimr to build a better future, until he was arrested for potentially stabbing a cat.

* Thanks to Kevin Tamura for his logo work.