Obligatory Why I Haven’t Blogged Post Blog Thing

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November 10, 2009 at 12:03am

I knew that when I wrote this article, I would be sealing my own hypocritical coffin, filled with a lot of foot in my mouth (it was an awkward death, but the memorial was nice). You can’t write a stupid article like that without having to contradict it immediately. It’s a part of being human. It also, however, leads me to one of the great blog traditions: the “apologetic why I haven’t blogged” post.

Yes! I know! It’s exciting. All 13 of you left subscribing are probably robots or deeply disturbed by my lack of superfluous euphemisms and overly-extended (beaten, crippled) metaphors.

So let’s see if I were to follow form I would do one of the following:

1. Explain that I was busy or overwhelmed with something work-like
2. Explain that I was busy with something tragic
3. Explain my federal offense
4. Not acknowledging I haven’t blogged

So, for your pleasure (and general love of posts like these) allow me to do all of them!

Man I was overwhelmed…by wolves

Yep. To my fellow wolf-survivors out there, let me extend my deepest thanks to you for your attendance at meetings. Sure, we joke that our cadre of victims is a “pack”, and that the first step to recovery is abandoning that mentality, but I love each and every one of you. 30 days wolf-attack-free, brothers & sisters… 30 days. We really worked hard to get here.

Golly, I was sad, cause I lost my long-time love interest in a warehouse fire^*

I’ve been so sad lately. You see, I was doing my normal thing, trying to help people and I was given a choice. In one place was a good friend of mine, also a do-gooder, whose life was threatened. In another place, my dearest of long-time friends, who I’ve known since childhood. I only had so much time and I had to make a choice. You’ve been there, I’m sure! Since I have no legal authority, I chose the one closest to me. The choice was a trick, and as I arrived at what I believed to be my long-time love interest’s abandoned warehouse, I found my friend. Great as he is, it wasn’t him I was trying to save. Then I hear the other explosion and well… could you blog after that? I know now I’m not the blogger you want, but the blogger this internet needs.

I don’t know if driving drunk while smoking peyote, shooting a desert eagle at plants flying by, while crying to REO Speedwagon and harvesting organs for a grand is a federal offense…

...but the officer seemed to think so, so here I am: 30 days later.

I’ve blogged.

I’ve blogged this whole time.

Awesome!

Thanks to those of you still on board. There won’t be 2 posts a week, but I promise good stuff and projects and bubble-gum in the future. It will all be schlock though! Mmm… delicious schlock. Did you see my new project which I probably invalidated with this post?

Talk to you soon.

xoxo,
Kenny

^* With apologies to blythe, my long-time real-life love interest, who is still alive and tragically for her, has stuck with me.