52 Hot Tips for Making the Internet Better

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September 16, 2009 at 12:11am

To kick off Happy Magic Fun Time: San Francisco Omega Juggernaut Series, I’d like to write a note to the internet. Please, imbibe my fellow internet, and let the glow of this post and your bright shining LCD fill you with warmth of kindness and sparkles.

Consequence.

I’ve been dealing with the consequences of doing and saying things on the internet. More of a thoughtful Thoreau-ian cabin-puzzle than a situation. What is, for a moment, a fleeting thought or emotion is distributed to hundreds of people (and for the more popular kids thousands to hundreds of thousands). Empty promises, for example, ones that among friends could be rectified with an apology, become a character mark in the masses. Two demerits.

This blog post, as an example, will remain available for some time. The site may change its stripes, even the Google link will take some time to update, but it will find its way into the great internet cache that is slowly building and building. Is this the march of progress or the timeline of poor decision-making?

Collective Memory

As a programmer, the benefits of collective memory, of a giant inbox, are unbelievably helpful. If I forget how to do something, or need a particular function to work a specific way, chances are that it’s readily available via a well thought-out google search term. Collective memory, however, can be really quite painful.

Take for example the Star Wars kid. You may remember him as he’s been parodied and trotted about, even satirized in Arrested Development. When that video was released, he was still a kid. He was damaged by it. It was as if millions of people had ganged up to bully him. Can you imagine millions of people bullying you? I had enough trouble with man-boobs (moobs or ‘mad moobage’) in grade school and that was just 5 minutes, once. He is now a cultural icon, something that may or may not be forgotten in time. How do you apply for a job Star Wars Kid?

Perception

Perception affects collective memory even more. It’s the problem of having a piece of text sitting on a page. In many cases, if you’ve met an internet person who is speaking, you have a certain perception of them. This may be completely different if you just read them online. Let’s say, for example, the writer had a rough day at a conference and you tried to approach them. The interaction did not go as desired and you are left sitting there with a writer’s urine on your pants. You are permanently viewing the author through this lens and there is no means for the writer to shift or tilt it.

Since social networks, the blogosphere, the tilt-a-whirl, the socio-mecha-tron-5000 and the internet 3.0 all rely on a very personal interaction, perception becomes one of the big problems. Once someone has a lens through which to view you, it becomes difficult due to lack of personal interaction to remove that lens.

I tend to run into a lot of issues with communication and sarcasm. From a very young age, sarcasm became my primary form of communication (I know, you think… a sarcastic developer? Whaaa?). As a general rule the more sarcastic I am with you, the more I like you. This is extremely difficult to translate online and its helped me hit it off with people and has pissed off others. This creates a big problem as I genuinely like and appreciate someone’s thoughts and attention, and they have no idea. They just think I’m an ass-clown with moobs.

I got caught.

Yesterday, I made a little tweet about 37 Signals. Not only was it unfair to the company, but it was completely unfounded (and ironically, the blog post I was mocking was about poor communication). I didn’t really read the article too in-depth, but instead I read it through the lens I’ve perceived the Signal vs. Noise blog with. I was rightly called out on it by Tom Carmony and when I get called out and it’s a good response, I listen. He was right, I was just stirring up shit for no reason. It was fruitless, and ultimately, served no purpose.

Sometimes you forget that the world, the internet, is made out of people. I don’t think everyone is inherently good, nor do I think that the glass is always half-empty. I do believe strongly that given a large mass of people, the people wanting to fill their glass to half-full will outnumber the people satisfied with half empty. With the internet they’re now going to remember every time someone contradicts their previous opinion on the glass. That’s deadly.

When people speak boldly and declaratively, it hits people. It’s rare, refreshing and interesting but it’s not always awesome.

Cooler Memory

I think there are great personal ways we can utilize collective memory, which include:

1. Contributing to an open source project.
2. Solving someone’s problem on a forum.
3. Writing a blog post demonstrating a technique.
4. Finding, linking to and tweeting other’s great work.
5. Apologize.
6. Never tape anything… ever.
7. Learn to just shut up.

Post.

Does this mean we shouldn’t call each other out on their bullshit? Absolutely not. I try to call everyone out on their bullshit everyday, and it’s all bullshit. Have you read your tweets? None of them are even as remotely humorous, entertaining or informative as mine.

I’m 99% certain that I’m not spewing fire to light the asses of the internet revolutionary. I believe people can, with words, create events such as the Magna Carta, the Constitution, the rise of Lenin and Family Guys return. Unless you’re sure or at least gambling that there will be a positive result or something really worth fighting for, you’re just being a giant cunt-bag/cock-master/douche-poll/cracker-ass-cracker/(really-offensive-word)-(noun)/Jon Gruber¹. Always be cautious and aware of the stakes before you jump in.

Ultimately, there’s only one rule that is quite literally ‘something my mother taught me’.

Always take the high road. Always.

 

It’s been a while kiddies. Back to our regularly scheduled program at our new offices in the land of the golden bridge.

1. See, even there: totally unsubstantiated. I <3 THE GRUBE!